Muse in the Misery

by Artem Bank

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1.
02:17
2.
03:41
Feel the snap, and the crack, Under the flesh, Recollect, All the time spent wondering, agents of blundering: What if? And what's left? There may be time behind you, but you've made a legacy yet. Trust me, there's something grand they won't soon forget. And trust me you seem more alive, Than the 20-something that wrote this song. If you need something to carry you, Know you've done so much more good than wrong. Twist your hands, round the neck, Of the mic, Set your sights, You are cataloging, creativity is sparking. Give a howl, and a mark, All of these melodies, they give us a remedy, Feed our greedy gullets with psalms of your fiery quest. And trust me you seem more alive, Than the 20-something that wrote this song. Even if the years bark at you, Know you've done so much more good than wrong. And trust me you seem more alive, Than the 20-something that wrote this song. Even if the years ache in you, Know you've done so much more good than wrong.
3.
05:05
There's a beauty to soft woods with knots that untangle easily by chisel, easier by saw but press a finger deep and you may even dent the surface like talc, parading as a rock, one scratch removed from dust No my grain is not complicated But my heart is solid and well-made Pleasantly understated and I might be the wood But you're the lathe No, I'm not too proud to bend to fit the space I'm given You can cut the dovetails right into my spine For you I would crush myself to paper and drink up your every word like wine No, my grain is not complicated But my heart is solid and it is well-made And I might be just pleasantly understated and I might be the wood But you're gonna pine I might be scraped and scarred, but they say I've got a lot of character. And I will probably fail to warm you by the fire that you make here. Every day I get less new but maybe more amazing, but I promise I'm in progress and i might be worth the waiting. I wish I could have been born purple heart I'd love to bleed like that hearing everyone say how pretty when they saw me in half but in me's a sweetness untapped. You take me down when the year if over just one more past-tense passion it's time to put away and all the sparkle you put on me is boxed up for next year's love, next year's tree. And I will let you put me in a box just as long as it is mine one day they will bury me in a redundant skin people are buried in me all the time. I don't know when I started believing to be good you have to be defeated so I am good but I am lonely. I am good but I am lonely. I tried to slip a splinter underneath your skin when you weren't looking. you weren't looking. But I missed.
4.
Dear Matador, I should have written this letter so many years before. But time passes quickly, And what I would have said matters not anymore. Dear Matador, You've fought every battle harder than you get credit for, And when the pain starts to settle in, I am not afraid for my friend anymore. Dare I say, There is darkness you have defeated to be here today. And though the future is uncertain, You have strength and I am sure it'll be okay. And you held on when I gave up, And Matador, what can I say but thank you? Dear Matador, At least someone is good, someone is listening, Something is definitely worth doing, Though all of this I think you know. Dear Matador, Each word is a beacon of reassurance, That this world is still spinning, And the speed is mathematically constant. Dear Matador, I have not enough talent for the reference, Of all your beautiful poetics, But when the muse is right, I must accomplish. And you held on when I gave up, And Matador, what can I say but thank you? Dear Matador, This Halloween I will find a proper present, Something you would enjoy, Because once again, you've taken life by the horns.
5.
04:15
3 am and I’m stuck in a rut, Head in the pages but, I can’t remember - what do they say? The blurring fades away, Bell ringing in my ears, They crowd in, haven’t seen them so scared in years. And how do you look them in the face, Tell him his mother’s gone, she’s been erased. Not one word, but he breaks down anyway. I’ve never seen him cry, Shivers run along my skin tonight. I’ve never seen him cry, My mother holds him tight, I’ve never seen my father cry. I promised her a song, I took far too long, And there is nothing I could sing to remove regret. So I sit in a silent haze, While others say goodbye. They say sorry an I just nod and look away. My uncle pulls me aside, Tells me to keep watch on my father's eyes. The realization of his words leaves me terrified. I've never seen him cry. Shivers run along my skin tonight. I’ve never seen him cry, My mother holds him tight, I’ve never seen my father cry. Rip our hearts in two, And wear it on our sleeves. Tear the black ribbon on his lapel, The kriah finally makes my eyes swell. I've never seen him cry. Shivers run along my skin tonight. I’ve never seen him cry, My mother holds him tight, while my father cries.
6.
02:32
7.
You were the girl, Reading a book by the riverbank, And I thought it funny on a sunny day, You chose to use the light in another way. I'm not here to judge, I found it a wonder in this time, That the boy on the bridge, Could find a one who shunned the city life. And I wonder what adventure those pages could have told. About far off lands from the desert to the frigid cold. About heroes and castles, the darkness and passages that blur the lines, I thought I could read the part of "I love you"... maybe in another life. I didn't make the trip, Down the precarious hill by the bank, of the lip, Of the rivers edge, Where you escaped from town. It seemed I was not, A character in your tale, A cut from the script, Every word's not as important. But I wonder at the adventure if you only took my hand, I'll take the keep, you fight the dragon - this is our fantasy land. We are both the authors of this grand spectacular life. I only hope that the novel, Was as good as our chapter we might have been. I'll write it off as, The missing section.
8.
03:42
If I told you the world had a shortage of truth, Would you trust me not to lie? Or would you blink away all the words from my mouth, Think "there's no point to even try". I'm just ordinary, Lift up this veil, And you'll see my human eyes. I just want you to see that I exist, I just want you to believe that I am here. I am here. Passed over, look away, I'm just a face, And all I do is disappoint. Not the child you wanted but the one you have, I'm sorry to report. I can't be my brother, can't be my cousin, You'll have to settle for less. I just want to be higher once. Can you look at me, and just accept what I have to show? Can you look into your own son's soul? Cause I just want you to see, that I exist, I just want you to believe that I am here. I am here. At this point I'd just take a "good job." Hell, lie if you feel you can't say it. Pretend and make me feel special, Criticism in every lesson. And you wonder why I can't do anything, Prophetic words are the ones that crumble me. What the hell do I do now? Please just look at me. I just want you to see, that I exist, I just want you to believe, That I am here. I am here.
9.
I thought I'd find a muse in the misery, But all I got was a silent screaming plea. Mind was stuck and that thought was killing me. Not the same for you it seemed. This is a delayed reaction. To everything that we will never be. It's what happens when the cards are on the table, You took the deck and look what became of me. This is not the way I thought it would be. But it's not my fault, that I can cleary see. I worked myself to the bone, all for your sake. Thank you for the song, and fuck you for the heartbreak. I could blame myself for missing signs, If there was pain, I admit I was blind. Don't point the finger if you turned to cry, After all, an omission is still a lie. It didn't seem to hurt you much, To turn around and jump on your friend's cock, Seems a week is all it took for you, To make two years vanish from your heart. This is not the way I thought it would be. But it's not my fault, that I can cleary see. I worked myself to the bone, all for your sake. Thank you for the song, and fuck you for the heartbreak. You weren't the goddess I built you up to be. And I am not a monster - you weren't "set free". I didn't make a cage, I didn't make a wall for you to break. We simply took much too long - two years to notice our mistake. This is not the way I thought it would be. It was both our faults, that I can cleary see. I worked myself to the bone, all for your sake. Fuck you for the song, and thank you for the heartbreak.
10.
02:50
11.
03:52
You shine bright, Like a piece of coal set alight. You fuel the fire, And give a lesson in passion to the quiet kind. Oh but they don't know, Your flame goes out when you're alone. Oh but they don't know, You've got nothing left to burn. Warm their lives, You're the center of attention to the greedy kind. Kindle their hearts, Please every single one of them with validation. Oh but they don't know, Your flame goes out when you're alone and still they want more and more and more and more. Oh but they don't know, You've got nothing left to burn but yourself into oblivion. Oh but they don't know - you want to let them burn. Oh but they don't know, Your flame goes out when you're alone and still they want more and more and more and more. Oh but they don't know, You've got nothing left to burn but yourself into oblivion. Oh but they don't know, You've gone from black to grey and you've got nothing left to give. Oh but they don't know, You wish someone else could make you feel warm for a change cause You shine bright, Like a piece of coal set alight. And all that's left in the end, Is a smoldering pile of dust.
12.
04:43
There are coffeeshop crusaders in the comic books in my head. I didn't have the justice league or the avengers by my bed. No I had reality to contend with, and reasons to cope. My heroes didn't wear capes, they wore hope. There's a guitar wielding badass who wears red-flamed boots. And a matador who grabs life by the horns, and a voice that rings truth. A wizard on the keys with a cowboy hat. And a kilt wearing gentleman with tools that go clack, clack, clack. No, I haven't forgotten the cellist - I only had four lines. So she gets two to herself, string-awesomeness defined. And all together they made the team that I could look up to. Great role models through and through. And I needed hope the most. I didn't have much of myself to show. But there's something magical about heroes being real. If they fall they'll be human and you learn how to deal. There are lessons you won't learn in a comic book. When the path you wanted isn't the one you took. They pulled me in, they called me their friend. I didn't expect it, but hey, what the heck. More than mentors or teachers, they weren't like the rest. I put on my cape, and I became the sidekick. But my cape it hid the scars. And I smiled from afar. My heroes were glorious, I didn't fit in. And when I felt myself falter, my world started to spin. Fell down the barrel, fault no comic book villain. I cried out quietly and lost all feeling. And they scrambled to their feet, all on alert. My heroes saved the day, like some cliche comic trope. I couldn't be prouder or thankful of their hold. I no longer wear a cape, I wear hope.
13.
05:02
What kind of answer do you give the man, Who's holding down his foot. Pedal depressed to the metal, Frightening, he'd notice if he could. But a long straight ahead, Does not give chance for pause, He's pushing one-hundred and thirty, Reckless abandon without cause. Careening toward nameless objectives, With blinders on the sides, Self-employed, relentless conductor, He's done this his whole life. The moment of clarity is a terror, Of awesome proportions. When your breaks aren't connected, He can't proceed with caution. I am tired of going a million miles an hour, All the time. I am terrified of the crash, of the wreckage I am, Leaving behind. Cause when you’re a steam engine rolling off the tracks, A stop at the station feels right. Shovel the coal, This chariot is hot and hungry, And it has no intention of Letting it's occupant free. The beast is the mind, Racing thoughts unaware of time. The only way to stop on a runaway track, Is a catastrophic end of the line. When momentum ends, He finds himself on the pavement, Earns his rest, On this ground. Asphalt hot against his cheek. If he could close his eyes, This peace he could keep. Give in to the wounds, He could finally stay asleep. And through all this objection, He crawls out of that heap. Hands cemented behind the wheel, This peace he cannot keep. Mangled the machine roars to life, And carries him on his way, And as he gains the speed he knows He'll crash again some day.

about

Probably my most personal album yet, mostly written after getting out of the mental hospital in 2016. 4 years later, I can finally release it.

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distrokid.com/hyperfollow/artembank/muse-in-the-misery

credits

released February 11, 2020

Track 3 - Lyrics, written, and © 2003 by Heather Aubrey Lloyd
Track 4 - Bass by Ryan Micoletta
Track 5 - Drums by Ryan Micoletta
Everything else by Artem Bank

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Artem Bank Baltimore

I am a freelance composer and producer that is based in Baltimore, Maryland.

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